


Junk in the trunk.

by Gospelofthewicked



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: A single bad pun, Crack, Grandmaster is mentioned, M/M, Regret, The real plot of Infinity War, loki's a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 05:43:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13920588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gospelofthewicked/pseuds/Gospelofthewicked
Summary: Upon a midnight venture, Bruce stumbles horrifying secret, and an even more horrifying pun. How many will die in the wake of this tragedy? When will Valkyrie give a shit? Discover the answers in this long and epic tale of love and loss.





	Junk in the trunk.

It was late at night when Bruce made the mistake that would cost everyone their lives. After he'd returned from being the Hulk, he'd been absolutely starving, but the others had insisted on briefing him on their epic defeat of Hela (or rather, some fire giant's epic defeat of Hela for them). And so, at a time that felt like midnight even if the sky never changed in the depths of space, Bruce was on the hunt for food. Eventually he got bored and just started exploring. This was the moment at which everything went wrong.

 

At some point or other, he found a room filled with all sorts of strange antiques, from a collection of self-portraits by the Grandmaster to massive war hammers. Lost in confused wonder, he didn't notice the figure lying in the dark until he tripped over him.

 

“Loki? What are you doing here?”

 

“I wanted some food.” the god dryly explained, holding up an ancient packet of garishly coloured sweets.

 

“Yeah, okay, but why are you still here? This stuff is just the Grandmaster's old junk.”

 

“Oh, I've seen his junk before.” Just to make sure Bruce got it, Loki turned his hands into finger guns, winked suggestively, and made a clicking sound with his teeth. Then he popped a cherry-flavoured sweet into his mouth.

 

Bruce felt the kind of icy horror similar to that of someone realising the only purpose of their existence _is_ to be icily horrified as part of some sick and pointless joke. He did the only thing someone can be expected to do in that position and burst into loud sobbing. Thor, who'd been wandering nearby for the sake of plot convenience, opened the door and stared with an unreadable expression at his friend weeping over the chest of his brother.

 

Loki jumped up, sending Bruce flying across the room. “Oh, oh Thor. Ask me why I'm in the room with all the Grandmaster's old junk!”

 

“Er, okay. Loki, why are you-”

 

“I've seen his junk before.” This time, when he tried to click, he bit his tongue.

 

Thor's face slowly spread into an emotionless husk of smile, which remained quivering at the edges of his cheeks.

 

“That's wonderful Loki.” he said brightly, “I'm going to hurl myself out of an airlock now.”

 

And he did. Once news got around the ship, a queue began forming by the airlock entrance.

 

“I didn't know killing everyone would be so easy.” Loki commented to Valkyrie, who was oddly unaffected by the situation. Probably because she was still an alcoholic.

 


End file.
